How can I prove to my wife that I am ready to be honest with her?
I have been married for 5 and half years now. Since the beginning of our relationship I have been lying on some level about the same recurring problem. I have a subance abuse problem, and have been in therapy and was doing great for quite some time. I recently had a relapse due to getting hooked on my pain killers for a back injury. I used this injury more often than needed to get as may pills as possible. My wife would find evedince of this and I would be caught red handed but flat our deny it. I have been doing very well for some time. I have continued with therapy. I have even taken it upon myself to have my doctor put in my records issue with subsance abuse and that I can’t be prescribed narcotic pain killers. I recently had some more issues with my back pain and was prescribed a small dose of methadone for the pain. I snorted it. My wife basicly caught me and I denied it. I am ready to be honest now. Why should she ever believe me. My family means everything to me.
No they don’t (mean everything to you). You see, you are looking for the easy way out again. How can I make "her" see? That’s not the question that should be asked. How can I change and stick with it? That’s the question needed. If you are sincere then she will see it with time. Plus there isn’t a time limit for her to have to follow. If it takes one year or five years, too bad for you. Just focus on yourself and not on trying to get back in her good graces. If you lose her then just keep on with your own focus. She shouldn’t even be part of the equation for you to have change.
November 4th, 2009 at 6:22 am
Be honest and face the consequences.
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November 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am
LOL…suuuuure! Obviously, your family DOES NOT mean everything to you. And since you have back pain, I’m guessing you have no job. People like you never change. Let her be and you go have fun with your pills.
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November 4th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Sounds like you need to talk to her face to face and write up a clause and both of you sign it, if anything is broking in that clause things will happen..Its the best way to keep yourself in control.
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November 4th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Sit her down and explain everything, and tell her that you are willing to do whatever needs to be done to regain her trust. If she wants counseling, go for it. I’d suggest to you that you voluntarily return to rehab… That’s the first step to solving the problem, and it will show her you’re serious.
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November 4th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Just quit the drugs and after a time she will learn to trust you again. Nothing you can say will make her trust you. Just stay away from the drugs!!!!
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November 4th, 2009 at 8:55 am
If your family means everything to you.Then why are you doing something that will hurt it? If you lied during the whole marriage so far. It will be hard to trust you.
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November 4th, 2009 at 9:17 am
only time will prove that.
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November 4th, 2009 at 9:41 am
You can’t make her believe you. Since she has caught you so many times you are going to have to earn her trust. YOu need to sit down with her and come clean about the whole situation. Then let her know that you are ready to do something about it and ask for her support. If she truely loves you she will help you and over time you will ragin her trust, and then she won’t doubt your honesty.
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Married for 7 years
November 4th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Ur rigth why should she. She is pnly human and there’s only so much a person can take. Women suffer enough as it is by living in a fantasy world of what marriage should be and the reality is everyone doesnt think like that. u should have her monitor ur usage and give her the pills whenever u need them go to her and when u all are not together ask her to designate a number of pills just in case the pain occus. Idk its hard to trust when u have been lied to so many time after a while u just stop caring
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November 4th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Time and again you abused her trust. You now have to live with the consequences of that. You need to be honest with her from this point on and be prepared for her not to believe you at times.
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November 4th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Your committment to your wife and family is obvious. But remember, you need to beat this addiction for YOU, not for them.
Addiction is tricky – as you know. Maybe it would help to have your wife go to a support group for people who love addicts. She needs help understanding that the addiction is not about her, how much you love her, it’s not something SHE has any control over, and at time’s it’s not even related to anything tangible; it has a life of its own and while you may not be there yet, the process of recovery is just as important as sobriety itself. You’ve started the process and it seems you have a real desire to continue with it.
Also, the two of you could search for (and see) a couple’s councellor who specializes in addiction.
Obviously you need to continue with therapy and addiction recovery – whatever it takes, even if this means residential rehabilitation. If you’re truly serious about saving your relationship (and yourself… you have to do this for YOU, first and formost), please – love yourself enough to follow through with it. You’re a valueable person who has some very difficult emotions and circumstances to work through – but it can be done.
Good luck!
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November 4th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
you have to stop thinking like a drug addict and she’ll stop treating like one.sniffing pain killer and you wonder why she don’t trust you.Speaking from the person that has to live with that at least you got drugs to help the pain she just had to watch that your lucky she there as for trust well that is something that come with time it took some time for her to loose it and it will take longer to get it back
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November 4th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
u can start by stop lying(not 4 just a day) and ask for forgiveness and stay off the pain killers from now on and just keep going to therapy.
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November 4th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
No they don’t (mean everything to you). You see, you are looking for the easy way out again. How can I make "her" see? That’s not the question that should be asked. How can I change and stick with it? That’s the question needed. If you are sincere then she will see it with time. Plus there isn’t a time limit for her to have to follow. If it takes one year or five years, too bad for you. Just focus on yourself and not on trying to get back in her good graces. If you lose her then just keep on with your own focus. She shouldn’t even be part of the equation for you to have change.
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November 4th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
you have to just try and tell her that you are ready for honest ( from your half ) in the relationship. I have had some problems with my hubby ( not sayingwhat for) and he’s military and He believes me to a point. I have been trying to show him for years now that i’m being honest and that he can trust me but it’s really up to that person whether or not they think or feel as if they can trust you .It’s hard yeah but it’s some thing you have to live with when you love some one that hurts you to a point
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